Greetings,
As educators, I am sure all of us have said or personally voiced the words; "So why blame the school for your child's chosen actions?"
I am frusted to constantly be reminded by some parents that the school is wrong and the students should be involved in the discipline if we want to teach them how to behave.
When are parents going to understand that if they allow their child to behave in an inappropriate manner at home over a prolonged period of time, then do not be surprised when you get that phone call from the school detailing how "Johnny or Susie" is being assigned a disciplinary consequence for choosing to misbehave.
Why do parents come to the school and pretend they are upset or shocked to learn of their child's inappropriate actions when it is clear the child is doing these same actions at home and as the parent you are not consistently assigning that child a consequence at home in an attempt to change the behavior?
How can a parent expect learning to happen for their child if they are allowed to misbehave in the classroom and stop the learning process for all? When are the parents going to own up and step up to assist the schools with teaching all children that some behaviors are unacceptable and will not be tolerated?
Parents that partner with the school and address immediately the misbehaviors of their child are usually those that do not have to return to the campus again for the same misbehavior.
Students must learn that society is not tolerable of behaviors that are socially unacceptable and if as teachers we do not teach acceptable behavioral choices; the cycle of misbehavior continues. Administrators must stop allowing parents to dictate and determine the how and when the student will be disciplined when there are policies and consequences in place that should be adheared to consistently.
How can we ask students to consistently behave when we as those in charge of the students are inconsistent in applying the rules? Are these actions sending mixed messages to the students?
When are parents going to stop blaming the school for their child's misbehvior with excuses? Just as parents want to hold schools and teachers accountable for performance, I think parents need to held accoutable for their child's misbehavior and lack of performance.
I consider that school alone is not the only teacher..parents are apart of the solution also. Parents need to stop blaming the schools and look into their parenting techniques and gain ownership instead.
This educator has taken enough of the blame for someone else.
Ivyspecial (Janis)
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6 comments:
We expeience the same actions in our school system. Some parents really think that educators have just fallen from the turnip truck. I must add that the education field is not as respected as it used to be. There were times when a teacher would call home and immediate results were observed. Now parents are making comments like,"That teacher does not tell you what to do...I just saw her at TGIF drinking like a sailor." Parents are communicating with children as if they are their friends and not their children. And you are right...the way that they treat their parents is a direct reflection on what we see at school. Until we get the parents attention, we are in trouble!!
Appolo(Stephanie)
Janis,
Times have certainly changed from the days when students who got in trouble at school were in even more trouble when they got home.
Most of today's parents of children who are disruptive do not hold thier children directly accountable for their own behaviors. It is easier to blame the school or the teacher for thier child's behavior, therefore they do not bear any responsibility. You are correct when you say this needs to change but our chances of changing it is pretty slim. As we know, in order to help bring about change in any individual there first has to be a desire within the individual to change. These parents, for the most part, do not have that desire. The few who recognize they need assistance in dealing with their child will be the few we will be able to help. It's not fair to us or the child but the fact is we have to work with what we got and the parents see it as our job to take care of it--not their's.
Donna
Janis,
I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree. It has become an unbearable time with parents. They expect teachers and schools to be miracle workers for all of the mistakes they made at home. God forbid if we suggest the behaviors begin at home. This did not happen overnight. They may have a few children. We have many, many children all of which we need to correct the problems the parents have started. I think it is a sad state of affairs when a professional teacher discusses behavior issues with a parent, and the parent blatantly states it’s our word against the child’s. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is the reason why the children react the way they do, because parents have placed their children on an equal playing field as adults. This has become a huge problem with many children.
A few weeks ago, my school held student-led conferences. The students facilitate the conference while the parents listen. The teachers are present, but it is up to the children to discuss their academic and behavior performance. One teacher was discussing the child’s performance with the parent. The child proceeded to kick the mother numerous times in the shin. The mother ignored him and said nothing. The teacher was appalled. She was horrified the mother allowed such behavior towards her by the child, let alone in public. The teacher, who happened to witness this, felt it was not her duty to say something in front of the mother. However, the next day she pulled the student aside and asked him why he did what he did. His response was he did not like his mother discussing him with the teacher. The teacher was shocked by his response. He felt what he did was justified. She told him how wrong he was and that any behavior like that would not be tolerated in school. She told him he should be ashamed of himself. Now this is something a parent teaches a child, not a teacher. Somewhere along the lines our roles have been confused.
At some points, parents must wake up and realize the damage they are doing to their children. They may feel it has little impact now, but the lasting effects will be drastic.
Great post.
Jenn
"Why Blame the School?"
I believe a struggling schools are facing "significant sanctions" because student achievement has not improve for two consecutive years despite access to a special funding program for under performing schools.
There are many other schools in the state is immediate intervention and under performing schools program will get additional state oversight. For example, it marks the first time the California Department of Education has taken such action against schools in the program. The state will appoint a group of experts to advice school officials on academic areas needing improvement.
Sign
Rosnel Joseph
Well said! I completely agree with your thoughts. I have had so many parents who come to school the first day or for the first conference who find a way to blame every teacher the child has ever had, and every time I am just amazed or they say to you that this is the firs time that Johnny has misbehaved and that they cannot believe what is happening. I always just smile and take it, but like you said, it is wearing thin to constantly have to hear excuses from parents that have more to do with teachers than with the child. It is time that parents take control of their children, accept responsibility for their wrongs, and realize that these kids will someday become disfunctional adults.
I completely agree, Ivy. I would think that parents would be embarrassed if their children misbehaved, but they often blame others instead. Unbelievable. I once caught (with a cheat-sheet in hand, no less) the son of a teacher cheating on a test. I called him on it, took the sheet, he did not protest, and I gave him his zero. The mother came to me insisting that it was a study sheet (well, this was one of three stories she would ultimately produce to both me and an administrator) he had just retrieved from his pocket. When she was there, his stories began to change as well. So in addition to condoning her son's cheating, she taught him, by example, that lying was an appropriate technique to keep from getting in trouble. Parents can be one of the best or worst influences for kids, and it's a shame that teachers have to play both sides for them.
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